Still Learning

SO I've discovered something.
There must be something wrong with me.
I can do anything to improve myself, to make myself better and I guess more marketable, and it won't get me anywhere.
I'm a bar-tending construction worker who dresses well, behaves well, cooks, cleans, listens, etc.
I give all my friends good advice and I take great care to show people that I'm a unique, caring, sensitive, compassionate person.
I have long hair, a twice-pierced ear, a tattoo, and I'm in TWO bands.
All that, and the only girls that take any interest in me nowadays are extremely unavailable.
Fucking sucks, bro.
Maybe I'll find someone who actually wants to be with me someday.
Wish me luck,

mr self-destruct.

What I've Learned So Far

I've learned that rushing things ruins everything.
I've learned that showing how I really feel is considered coming on too strong.
I've learned that expectations are not to be held high.
I've learned that personal goals should come before the women in my life.
I've learned that love is not the only thing that I need in my life, as much as I'd like it to be.
I've learned that, horrible as it may be, broken hearts mend.
I've learned that there will always be a way to move on.
I've learned that there is always another's point of view.
I've also learned that I have a road of opportunity ahead of me,
and that I need to choose my path and make my name.
Above all, I've learned that once I've made it, I intend to share it with the girl of my dreams.

I have no idea if this is a sad post or a happy one. In either case, wish me luck.

mr self-destruct

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

So I have no idea how this happened, but I seem to have found someone. I have no idea if it will ever go anywhere, I have no idea if it would last if it did, but this girl is perfect, and I'm hereby vowing to get to her. I don't know how or when, but by the gods, I'll see her beside me. Wish me luck.

mr self-destruct

One Down, 98 Problems to Go

Well it's official, I'm finally over my last girlfriend, not that many of you care. It's been hell, but it's over. You'd think with all the stupid crap I've been through that it would have been easy but it wasn't. I finally was able to just let it go, and I breathed it out of me like bad air. I still have school/money to worry about, I still have the rest of my pitifully normal existence to sift through. Once I get my music degree, I plan on becoming a studio guitarist and make some money for my art until I can get one of my many band projects off the ground. wish me luck.


mr self-destruct

oh, life, you screwy rapscallion.

So recently I've realized that even though I say "no more trying," I'm still searching for love and relationships. I'm clearly still not over my last girlfriend, despite the fact that I don't think I'd ever been quite as hurt by anyone as I was by her. Why can't I sit back and let things come to me? Is it impatience, or maybe lack of self-control? Is it my loneliness and my need to be chained to someone. (Which brings up another point: the only girls who I'm interested in turn out to be psychos, and the only girls willing to keep me end up not appreciating me) I'm considering going back to therapy to figure this all out.

On a much more positive note, I've decided to go back to school. I believe that if I devote my time to my studies instead of to a girl, I can succeed the way my family has envisioned success. I would like to study Visual and Performing Arts, with a concentration in Music. Hopefully a couple years of good grades at a State college can get me into a school like Berkley. More on this decision as it develops, though I've already begun to put my plan into action. Wish me luck,

mr self-destruct

New blog.

I never really had a blog before because I can never think of what to say on these things. If I have something I need to talk about I usually have someone there to help me sort it out. I'm reaching a point in my life where I want to learn to be my own person, and do things for myself. This is basically a journal that I'm allowing everyone to read, I guess.

For my first entry, I'd like to give people a little background:

I was raised by my grandmother and aunt, after being removed from underneath my mother's intense apathy, a war I fight to this day, though most very rarely hear me complain about it. (those of you who wonder about the father in the situation, I've actually only just met him last night.) The people who raised me loved me and my little brother very much and did the best they could for us, and I will always appreciate that.

I went to Catholic school after being raised non-religious. I loved the education I received there, as well as the friends I've made despite being different from everyone in many ways. My friends are more important to me than anything, especially the guys holding the other two pieces of the Triforce.

Musically, I love the 90's. Especially nu-metal and all it's sub-genres. I have a limp bizkit tattoo on my left arm, and I'm going to get Nine Inch Nails on my shoulder. I also love KoRn, Slipknot, Staind, etc. There's a ton more music I listen to, but I don't care to list it all. Just take me on my word that I have an eclectic music taste.

I currently work in carpentry for a small construction team. For hobbies, I play music (guitar, vocals, piano), videogames, I used to draw, but I'm no good at it.

Any questions?